5 Habits That Make You a Magnet for Good Things
From Me-First to Others-First: A Practical Guide
The total amount of happiness
That exists in the world has come from
Wanting to make others happy.
The total amount of suffering
That exists in the world has come from
Wanting to make yourself happy.—Master Shantideva (700 AD)
If all the good things we got come from wishing others happiness, then we should examine how often we truly want the people around us to be happy each day—our family members, co-workers, friends, the janitor on the street, the clerk at the shop, and so on.
It's hard not to notice that our thoughts and actions are centered on ourselves all day long. This "taking care of myself first" mindset becomes even deeper, particularly when we're pursuing goals we desperately want to reach or trying to escape from difficult situations. e.g. Complaining to friends about your work without asking about theirs, choosing your favorite music playlist, being impatient with slow cashiers because they're inconveniencing you.
Today I'm going to share 5 habits that can shift our attention from "me first" to "others first." When I say take care of others first, I don't mean you need to sacrifice your own welfare. You can definitely find ways to care for both yourself and the people around you.
And these habits will take some work to get you to rewrite your mind, so be patient and stick we me.
Habit 1) Make a Resolution at the beginning of the day
Usually, the first thing we do when we wake up is grab our phone from the nightstand and check our email, messages, and see if anyone has commented on or liked the stories or posts we shared yesterday. Then we rush to brush our teeth, wash our face, and head out to work.
And it keeps us stuck in the old habit. We don't give ourselves time to pause and reconsider how we want to spend the day or how we can adjust to make good use of it.
Our first habit involves making a strong resolution for the future every day at the beginning of the day. The core of the resolution is to dedicate the day to overcoming the tendency of "watching out for number one"—the deep-seated habit of caring for ourselves first. And we have been trying to take care of ourselves first for more than 20 years, 30 years, or even more, but does it really help us in any aspect of our lives?
So when we wake up, just stay in your bed. You can close your eyes at this moment, thinking "I'm going to spend my day fighting this old habit, and aiming to prioritize what others need before focusing on my personal desires." This resolution plants seeds that shift the trajectory of our lives, making us more intelligent, healthier, and helping us get what we want as years pass.
Habit 2) Get used to caring about what others want during the day
There was a wise teacher from Mongolia. He wanted to teach his student something important. So he took the student to sit by a busy freeway in New Jersey. They sat there for hours without talking.
Finally, the student got tired of waiting. He asked his teacher, "Why did you bring me here? Why are we just watching all these cars go by?"
The teacher said, "Just watch them. Every single car wants something. All these cars are going to New York City because the people inside want something."
This was very true! Each person in those cars had a reason for their trip. Maybe they wanted to make money at work. Maybe they needed to see a doctor. Maybe they wanted to visit friends.
Everyone is like this. Every time we get up, sit down, or walk somewhere, we want to do something. But most of the time, we only think about what WE want. We don't think about what other people need.
There are times when we can practice thinking about others. We can use these times as reminders:
When we stand up from a chair
When we walk to a place
When we sit down after standing or walking
During these times, we should think about others first. For example, if you stand up to get some hot chocolate or juice, you can ask if anyone else wants some too. Walking to the printer, ask if anyone needs copies made. Sitting on public transport, offer your seat to someone who needs it moreYou can ask if there is anything you can help them with.
The habit of thinking about ourselves first is very hard to change. But it is like going to the gym every day. If we practice thinking about others every time we stand up, sit down, or walk somewhere, it will become easy. Soon, thinking about others first will become our nature.
Habit 3) Go for the biggest seeds
Let's review one important idea about seeds. According to ancient wisdom, we plant seeds through our actions, words, and thoughts. We plant 65 seeds every second!
What makes a good seed? When a good seed opens, it brings you pleasant feelings. When a bad seed opens, it brings you unpleasant feelings. Seeds work just like real seeds in a garden. If you plant watermelon seeds, you get watermelons. If you help others with a good motivation, you plant good seeds. Vice versa, if you try to hurt others, or take care yourself without caring about others, you plant bad seeds.
Now we come to the third habit: Go for the biggest seeds. What does this mean? We only have a limited amount of time to live in this world. We should not waste time on things that give us only small results. In the same way, when we plant seeds, we should choose the biggest and best seeds to plant.
So how do we do that? There are three very special objects we can plant seeds with:
People who helped us before: This could be our parents, executive who guided our career, teachers who taught us valuable skills, former bosses who gave us opportunities, friends who supported us during tough times, or coaches who helped us grow.
People who are helping lots of other people: Like teachers educating children, doctors treating patients, social workers helping families in need, volunteers at food banks, nurses caring for the elderly, firefighters protecting communities, or organizations building schools in poor areas.
People who really need help right now: Like families who lost their homes in natural disasters, homeless individuals seeking shelter, unemployed people looking for work, elderly people living alone, refugees fleeing war, people struggling with medical bills, or students who can't afford education.
Make a list of big seeds you can plant. These are people you want to help. Write it down so you can look at it during the day. Keep this list close to your heart. When you get a chance to help them, just do it. Because these people are so special, helping them will plant a tremendous seeds in your heart for you to see a incredible result.
Habit 4) Beat the habit of taking care of ourselves first once it shows up
Our old habit of taking care of ourselves first will keep showing up throughout the day. We need to be like playing whac-a-mole - when this thought pops up, we immediately smash it down. We need to crush it, because this habit is what's slowing down our success and making problems keep appearing in our lives.
So first, we need to identify the mole, there are some typical taking care me first thought:
People aren't paying attention to what I want.
This situation is not good for me.
I should be getting the same recognition as them.
Things should go my way.
What will people think of me?
I deserve better treatment
You can make it more fun to beat this thought. Think of an animation character that you love, like Goku, Luffy. When this selfish thought comes up, use that character's special move to destroy the thought in your mind.
Habit 5) Dedicate your efforts at the end of the day
After you do all the great work during the day, you want to keep your good efforts going to the next day. So make a dedication before you go to bed.
You can start to do two kinds of coffee meditations from the four steps. In this meditation, you don't need to sit straight on a meditation cushion. You just lay down on the bed and start thinking.
First Coffee Meditation: Good Things You Did Today
The first coffee thinking is to think about the good things you did today. Like this:
"That was a great day. I made great progress. I caught myself twice worrying about what I wanted instead of thinking about what people around me wanted. And I served a cup of coffee for my co-worker when I stood up to make one for me."
Second Coffee Meditation: Your Future Success
The second coffee thinking is to think about your future success. You will become a good virus. Like this:
"I am not using the old way—competing with others—to get what I want. Instead I care about others first. Imagine yourself a few months later. You will get surprising results. People will start to ask you how you do it. Then you can share with them the idea of seeds. Serve others first, you will get what you want.
You will become the center of the ripple. By your success, you will naturally impact lots of people who start to get what they want by serving others."
I encourage you to use a diary to write down your progress. These 5 habits are not easy to build. They are rooted inside everyone's heart. But it is worth it to build them for the rest of your life.
At the end, like Master Shantideva said, "All the happiness that exists in the world has come from wanting to make others happy." So if you have struggled through your life, then this is probably a great time for you to pause. See what is wrong with your thinking. Maybe it is time for you to think about it.
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